Urban Dictionary Meme

14 08 2009

Ok you can clearly see that I have an assignment to do, and hence you all get another meme blog that I ripped off a friend’s Facebook.

Rules: Go to http://www.urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following ten questions. Post the first definition it gives you.

1. What is your name?
Michael

A very cool guy who makes everyone laugh. Once you meet him, you will want to be his friend right away. He is super cute and very good-looking. He has amazing taste…in music, clothes, food, everything. Every girl secretly wishes that he could be her boyfriend…mainly because he recently broke up with his girlfriend…mainly because everyone knows that he likes commitment…mainly because he is sweet and knows how to treat a girl…mainly because however strange and wierd he may be, he’s perfect. In his own little way, he is perfect.
Michael a very cool person.

2. How old are you?
22

1) A .22 caliber handgun
2) Any rim that measures 22 inches in size
3) Slang term used for women to let you know they are prostitutes.
1) Don’t tote no 22’s
2) Magnum cost me 22, sat it on them 22’s
3) Lil mama super thick, she say she 22

(All examples from Rick Ross’ Hustlin)

3. What is one of your friends’ names?
Brian

1. A guy who’s heart is captured by the same girl always yet lives his life as if she didn’t exist when she’s not around.
2. Term for the best guy friend conversationalist. Someone you can vent to an actually get feedback and opinions.
3. A reliable “lean on me” kinda friend
1. “God, he’s really in denial about that girl—he’s acting like a Brian.”
2. She thanked him for listening and named him her Brian.
3. “You’ve been such a Brian to me since I met you. Thanks for always being there for me.”

4. What should you be doing?
Assignment

A piece of work you cannot be botherd to do
Fuck it, it’s just another assignment.

Although I preferred the third definition:

Something that is relatively important, but you will still leave it till the last minute and complete it the night before it’s due in, armed with dangerous amounts of caffeine and sweets, in a major panic. However, you will still feel cheated if you don’t get an awesome grade, although you may pretend to be fine with it.

They usually have word limits, which are a total bitch to adhere to – if it isn’t too short it’ll be miles too long.

They will produce much bitching and complaining and procrastinating (bubbleshooter.net is a particularly good tool for this).

The one positive thing about them perhaps, is the sheer feeling of relief that occurs when the last word is typed and all word counts are adhered to. Who cares if it makes sense or answers the question?! It’s finished. The only feeling quite like it is that wonderful feeling that occurs when you finally go to the toilet after being desperate for ages.

1. “OH SHIT! MY 2000 WORD ESSAY IS IN TOMORROW AND I HAVEN’T EVEN LOOKED AT IT YET! OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT WHERE IS THE COFFEE PEOPLE?!”

2. “This assignment is a total bitch! I mean seriously, what the hell?! It’s not even useful!”

3. “I deserved a better grade than THAT!!!”

4. I am procrastinating right now, as I have a 1500 word assignment due in in about 10 hours, and I’ve only written 250 words. I have a massive mug of coffee at the ready!

5. What is your favourite colour?
Blue

The hue of the portion of the visible spectrum lying between green and indigo, evoked in a human observer by radiant energy with wavelengths of approximately 420 to 490 nanometers.
The sky is blue

6. Where were you born?
Joburg

Biggest city in South Africa. The economic hub and boasts the highest GDP per capita in South Africa. Friendly people and great shopping. It is NOT the capital of South Africa, Pretoria has that honour, but is the capital of the Gauteng province. It doesn’t have the worlds highest crime rate, even Cape Town has a higher murder rate.
PS, Sandton is part of Johannesburg.
For brilliant nightlife, Joburg rocks!

7. What month were you born in?
April

the month were the sexiest bitches are born
april is the month were the most beautiful,sexy girls r born lol

8. What day were you born on?
Monday

a word that can be used to describe a black person without insulting them with them knowing.
This word is relativley close to n****r.
I fucking hate monday

Harsh I know. Hey I didn’t write that definition!

9. Who was the last person you talked to?
Mother

Random word when someone says something random and annoying
Annoyance: “Ewww, What’s that”
You: “Your MOTHER!!”

Annoyance: “Miss,What are we doing 2day”
You: “Your MOTHER!!”

Annoyance: “This work is so easy, Miss”
You: “Just like…your MOTHER!!”

Annoyance: “Peanut”
You: “Your MOTHER!!”

10. What is one of your nicknames?
Mike

To do something incredibly stupid. To be retarded and look like an idiot at something.
He mike’d it up again. DOH!

Third definition is also good

The most amazing boy in the world. He is quiet around the masses but he opens up around the one he loves. He is extraordinarily protective in the best of ways. Mike can and will make you laugh harder than anyone else. He is the most adorable, cute, nice, sweet, kind, generous, loving, caring, genuine, funny, considerate, awesome person I have ever met. Every moment of my life would be better if I could spend it with him. I could talk to him all day long and we’d never run out of things to say. His smile can make my day; even if it’s from across the room. I love him more than the sun, I need him more than breath it’s self. I can’t imagine my life without him; it scares me more than anything. I will spend the rest of my life in his arms.
Me: Mike bought me a dozen roses for my birthday!
Best Friend: JEALOUS!
Me: What can I say, he’s Mike.

Also, Mikey

sweet and swoll, often essential to people’s lives; often likable and personable
me: Wow, that kid has a lot of great qualities.
you: Oh, you mean like a mikey?

Well that’s that. Back to work I guess. Wish me luck.





Something Silly to Make you Laugh

17 07 2009

When I was younger, I thought that the flying squad (you know the police?) was gonna come in their planes and drop bombs and what not when they got a call.

Lame hey?

Hope you got a laugh or two out of that 🙂





A – Z

5 05 2009

A – Available?
Nope.

B – Best friend
Brian

C – Cake or Pie?
Cake. Chocolate cake.

D – Drink of choice:
Hmmm … Mountain dew. Or hot chocolate if it’s cold.

E – Essential thing used everyday
Cellphone. For everything.

F – Favourite color:
Deep blue.

G – Gummi bears or worms:
Worms I suppose?

H – Hometown:
Johannesburg.

I – Indulgence:
Sleeping.

J – January or February:
January (what a lame question).

K – Kids and names:
Ugh. Who wants kids?

L – Life:
Is hard. Friends help though.

M – Marriage date:
“Don’t even think about getting married until you’re 30.” (so 8 years minimum).

N – Number of siblings:
Two older brothers.

O – Oranges or apples:
Oranges

P – Phobias:
Parktown prawns. *Shudder* those things freak me out.

Q – Quote:
“If the dawn means the day is upon us, I say forever I will hide in the shadows. And if maturity means I am condemned to the cold, I will forever burn bright in childishness. If they tell me to settle for one who is less than ideal, I will always, always be alone. And if the tide brings in a trend of apathy, I will drown in my passion before it is taken away. And finally, if being warm, happy, content, and well-adjusted means selling myself to become what they say I should be, I will scream in the pain and agony of my abnormality for all eternity.” – Andrew Schwab

R – Reason to smile:
It’s raining right now. And my awesome friends.

S – Season:
Spring is good. And summer.

T – Tag three people:
Brian
Kelly
Shaun

U – Unknown fact about me:
Well if I told you it wouldn’t be unknown anymore, now would it? Haha just kidding. Um … I don’t have much faith in myself.

V – Vegetable you do not like:
Cauliflower. My absolute worst.

W – Worst habit:
Biting my nails.

X – X-rays you have had:
Jaw, right leg (multiple times). Think that’s it.

Y – Your favorite food:
Pizza. Cliched I know.

Z – Zodiac:
Aries (Anybody believe in this stuff?)





50 things about me

2 09 2008

So, people (well two people) have been clamouring for me to post a new blog, and I’m sorry that it is something so lame as this. Especially after my famously popular (at least according to this) last blog. Yes, I have decided to post more lame filler, again another one of those “get to know me” thingies. This time, I’m not even going to answer random questions, because that would be too much effort to actually go and find some random questions to answer. Instead, I’m just going to list some stuff about myself, and see if I can get to the magical 50. Chances are you don’t know these things about me, but you will after this…

So here they are, in no specific order, just as I think of them.

  1. I am a fun drunk, at least I think so and I’ve been told. I don’t get violent, just loud.
  2. I remember a lot of things from “the night before” on “the morning after”.
  3. I don’t suffer from hangovers. In fact, I have only had one hangover in my whole life.
  4. My brother started me drinking. Ah peer pressure.
  5. I had my first alcoholic drink (a beer) at age 16.
  6. The drunkest I’ve ever been was on New Year’s Eve 2005/New Year’s Day 2006 (Also when I suffered the above mentioned hangover).
  7. I was the second person in my group of friends to get my license and my own car.
  8. Because of this, I was the designated driver for about a year and half (the friend who “beat” me doesn’t go out with the rest of us).
  9. The best holiday I’ve ever had was the first one without my parents, when me and two friends went down to Uvongo (¿spelling?) for Matric holiday.
  10. I am a gamer at heart.
  11. I am generally pretty good at games. I learn them fast and seem to be better than most people at them.
  12. I play Guitar Hero on expert difficulty. Yeah, I’m just hardcore like that.
  13. I can’t wait for Guitar Hero: World Tour to come out. That’s gonna be awesome.
  14. I love my Playstation 3 to bits. It’s amazing.
  15. My PC is old and dying, and I wish I had enough money lying around to replace the old girl.
  16. I am a big fan of music that you have probably never heard of. Project 86 especially (See, nobody’s heard of them).
  17. Right now there is a gross smell wafting in through my window. Smells like raw meat that’s been seasoned.
  18. One of my life’s goals is to see Project 86 perform in concert, and to meet Andrew Schwab (the lead singer) in person.
  19. I am a frustrated writer, in that I have a whole lot of uncompleted stories sitting on my harddrive, and physically in a file in a dusty cabinet, which I have lost interest in.
  20. I am studying at the University of Johannesburg.
  21. I am in my second year, and am studying Journalism.
  22. The worst job I have ever had was when I worked for six weeks at Super CD.
  23. I broke my right tibia and fibula on a trampoline late one night, in my very first year of varsity.
  24. In my very first year of varsity, I was studying Law.
  25. Breaking my leg got me thinking, and I ended up canceling Law and start doing something I actually enjoyed: Journalism.
  26. I am looking forward to 22 September – New episodes of How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory.
  27. I am looking forward to 27 September – Underoath concert \m/.
  28. I am looking forward to this weekend because I get to see my girlfriend :D.
  29. I am looking forward to tomorrow morning because I am on holiday and get to sleep late. Ah the little things.
  30. I am looking forward to RAGE on 1-3 October, because there’s a Guitar Hero tournament and the first prize is Guitar Hero IV.
  31. That smell is back again, and it had gone. Really rancid smell.
  32. I am really “connected”. I am always checking my email from my phone, also obsessively.
  33. I also randomly log into MXIT in the hopes that somebody has left me an offline message.
  34. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have my cellphone and can’t imagine what it was like before I had one.
  35. The same applied to my broadband. What on earth did I do before I had 24/7 internet??
  36. It occurs to me that I probably got a lot more constructive things done before I had broadband. Haha.
  37. I sometimes wonder if I am toiling in futility with writing my blog. Do you people care about what write?
  38. As you probably guess from the above, I sometimes get pretty insecure about myself.
  39. I used to be really shy, but lately I have been pretty outgoing, and not just among friends.
  40. Ignorance is one of my biggest pet peeves.
  41. I suffer from roadrage rather badly at times. I blame the idiots on the road though.
  42. I am crazy about the show How I Met Your Mother and could probably recite about 80% of the first season by heart.
  43. I am more than a little crazy, and am always quoting random movies and TV shows that most people around me don’t know, so they look at me funny.
  44. I apparently make people laugh. So I must be a pretty funny guy right?
  45. Hahah, just thought of a line from xXx (the movie, not a porno. Gees). And made myself chuckle.
  46. See, that’s the type of random stuff I am talking about. Kinda disturbing that I’m even doing it in blog posts now, not just in RL (real life).
  47. My friends are the closest people to me. In other words, I am not very close to my family at all.
  48. I am a virgin, and proud of it!
  49. I had my first kiss when I was 20 years old, so last year.
  50. This list has taken me about an hour to complete.

So there we have it. 50 things about me.

Oh and one final thing about me, because I feel it is important, I am a packrat when it comes to digital thing. I hoard Facebook messages, email, smses etc. like crazy. Hahaha.

I would love everybody who reads this to try and think of 50 things about themselves. Just link here (https://betthisisoriginal.wordpress.com/2008/09/02/50-things-about-me) somewhere in your blog when you do it, so I can have an idea when and where I can go and read it.

Yayness. Until next time! Be happy!!





Seven Deadly Sins (More About Me)

13 07 2008

WRATH

  1. Who did you last get angry with? My one friend when he tried to throw something out my car window and smashed my side mirror totally off. Luckily it clipped back in.
  2. What is your weapon of choice? My razor tongue. I can reduce people to tears with just a withering insult. Ha ha ha, not really.
  3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? No, it’s just not right.
  4. How about of the same sex? Sure, if they are asking for it.
  5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? I’m not sure. I don’t think anybody has ever been really angry at me.
  6. What is your pet peeve? Stupid people who don’t know how to drive properly.
  7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I try not to.

SLOTH

  1. What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you don’t? Um … eat properly and get enough exercise?
  2. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up? Probably about 2pm.
  3. What is the last lame excuse that you made? That I sprained my ankle. Lame but true.
  4. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? About a month ago. I think they are awesome though.
  5. When was the last time you got in a good workout? January 2008, when I last played squash.
  6. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? None. I woke up all totally naturally today. (11:30am).

GLUTTONY

  1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Jack Daniels.
  2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? Dark meat. A nice fillet steak…
  3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event? I’d say three quarters of a bottle of Jack and some Spiced Gold and some Vodka and a beer or two. Roughly.
  4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? Nope. And probably never will.
  5. Do you have an issue with your weight? I try not to worry about it too much. Ha ha ha.
  6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy? Sweet mostly, but depends on the mood I’m in.
  7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought “lunch”? What?? Like, “Mmm, I could eat that small house pet or child”?? That’s sick.

LUST

  1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Not too many in real life … I’d like to say none that I remember.
  2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? Again, I’d like to say none that I’ve been aware of. Ha ha ha.
  3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of the opposite gender during a normal conversation? Well I’m a guy so it’s kinda done unconsciously I think. I try not to though?
  4. Have you ever kissed two people in one night? No.
  5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Never really thought about it. A nice toned belly on a girl.
  6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? No, luckily. I think I’d die of embarrassment.

GREED

  1. How many credit cards do you own? None.
  2. What’s your guilty pleasure store? Gospel Direct because of the somewhat alternative musical taste that I have.
  3. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich, no question about it. I don’t actually see any benefit to being just famous?
  4. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? I’d say yes. If it was boring and easy, I would still take it, make a fortune and then quit when I got really bored or really rich.
  5. Have you ever stolen anything? A chocolate bar once.
  6. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? Approximately 9,138.

PRIDE

  1. What’s one thing you have done that you’re most proud of? That’s a really good question. I don’t think I have ever really been exceptionally proud of anything I’d done. Is that a little sad?
  2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Again, nothing really stands out here. I’ve lived a pretty unexceptional life…
  3. What things would you like to accomplish in your life? Being able to live comfortably doing something that I look forward to doing every day.
  4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Yes, especially when it is just a two man race. I deal with it though.
  5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? All the time. I play Guitar Hero a lot, and I’m a lot better than most people I play against. Ha ha. Also in most video games.
  6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? No that that I remember.
  7. What did you do today that you’re proud of? I did the braai for lunch for the family. Didn’t even get any “thank you” or anything. Ingrates 😦

ENVY

  1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? Hmm … my one friend’s HD TV. My brother’s PC maybe.
  2. Who would you want to go on “Trading Spaces” with? Somebody richer than me with a bigger house than me.
  3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Richard Branson.
  4. Have you ever been cheated on? No.
  5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Not really. I’m pretty happy with my physical features.
  6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Being more outspoken and less shy.




The Cult of Scientology

13 01 2008

Well in lieu of posting an actual, new blog, I thought I would import this blog from my old, Myspace blog that I used to use back in the day. Personally, I think it is one of my best works ever. Read it, absorb it’s message and tell me what you think, in a comment. Thanks.

I’m sure everybody has heard of Scientology in some way shape or form. Probably in some article about Tom Cruise. Well, I’ve since done some digging and found out that, yes, everything you have read about this weird cult is true. The Wikipedia Article reads like the plot of a science fiction book, and rightly so. Because believe it or not, the founder of the cult was originally a Science Fiction author. The article on L. Ron. Hubbard reads more like a comedy script than a biography. The contradictions between the “official” version that the cult … er … “church” presents and the real versions by independent journalists are so vast that it makes me laugh.

Further down the article, we see that Hubbard was practically a madman. After trying to get in the good books of the white government in the then Rhodesia, they asked him to leave, and he created a fleet of boats and an organisation called the Sea Org, where he had teenaged girls dressed in white hot pants, called “Commodore’s Messengers”, wait on him hand and foot, bathing and dressing him and even catching the ash from his cigarettes. Members of the Sea Org have to sign a contract (yes a legally binding contract) stating that they will work for the organisation for 1 billion years. Here is a digital version of this contract, in case you don’t believe me – check the attached file – “Sea Org Religious Commitment” Contract. It was common for him to throw violent tantrums, throw people overboard the ship, bound, gagged and blindfolded, and lock them away in filthy chainlockers for weeks on end.

Hubbard eventually died at his ranch on 24 January 1986, where the post-mortem revealed high levels of scientology banned drugs. Of course, the whackjobs at the cult claimed that he had abandoned his body to conduct higher level research, unencumbered by mortal restraints.

His first son, L. Ron Jr. claimed that when he was six, he witnessed his father performing an abortion on his mother … with a coathanger. His second son, turned out homosexual, attempted suicide in 1974, and eventually died in mysterious circumstances in 1976. The cult of course, rejects all homosexuals and Hubbard himself was highly homophobic.

The so called church has been panned internationally, an Australian court said “Scientology is evil; its techniques are evil; its practice is a serious threat to the community, medically, morally, and socially; and its adherents are sadly deluded and often mentally ill… (Scientology is) the world’s largest organization of unqualified persons engaged in the practice of dangerous techniques which masquerade as mental therapy.” A london high court said “Scientology is both immoral and socially obnoxious…It is corrupt sinister and dangerous. It is corrupt because it is based on lies and deceit and has its real objective money and power for Mr. Hubbard … It is sinister because it indulges in infamous practices both to its adherents who do not toe the line unquestioningly and to those who criticize it or oppose it.”

Which brings me to the cult’s infamous Fair Game policy. In a nutshell, this is a policy that the cult has on opponents (called “Supressive Persons”) of the cult itself. Under the policy of Fair Game, former members have been blackmailed, harassed, threatened or generally bullied by the multi-billion dollar cult. One definition, written by Hubbard himself … “ENEMY — SP Order. Fair game. May be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist. May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed.” Lovely to belong to a “religion” that is so caring and loving, isn’t it?

And now, we get to the really laughable part. Laughable in that a religion is based on it. Here is the main core principle of the religion. 75 Million years ago, an evil alien dictator Xenu, had too many people on his 76 planets (each had an average of 178 billion), so, with the help of psychiatrists, he called lots of the people in for “income tax inspections”. But then, when the people arrived, he drugged them and flew them to the planet Teegeeack in Douglas DC-8s, except that they didn’t have propellers. There, he stacked the billions of people around volcanoes and exploded hydrogen bombs in the volcanoes.
Sound laughable? It gets worse …
Then, he used a special machine to gather up all the people’s souls (Hubbard named them thetans), put them in boxes and forced them to watch movies for 36 days. The movies were “misleading data” about “God, the Devil, space opera, etcetera”. Hubbard claimed that all world religions, except Scientology of course originated from this initial viewing of these movies. Anyway, to continue with our story …
These movies left the thetans with no personal identity, and so thousands of them started to cluster together. Convienently, a few bodies survived the explosions, so the clusters of thetans gathered into those bodies. These bodies of course were our ancestors. (Yes, Hubbard called earth Teegeeack). So everything that is wrong in the world is because of the souls of dead aliens clinging to our bodies. And who can save us from this awful fate worse than death? Scientologists of course. Yes, by paying a very nominal fee (about $380 000 all in total), you too can be brainwashed by this cult and can start converting others as well. Sounds like a bargin to me.

Allow me to end with some quotes from Hubbard himself. “Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.” And guess what? He did start his own religion and made a fortune off of gullible people. Another gem – “We can brainwash faster than the Russians”. Oh, so you admit it then. Hmm

If you have some spare time on your hands, may I suggest you read the wikipedia articles on Scientology, Xenu, L. Ron Hubbard, Thetans and basically as many linked articles on Scientology as you can. Also, make sure to check out Operation Clambake which is a good a place as any to begin to free your mind.

Until next time, be safe, and be free, especially in your mind and your thoughts.