Clean Break

9 02 2009

So I am watching two friends of mine end their relationship. But they are attempting to remain close friends during it. This I think is both impossible and silly. I’m not saying it is not possible to be friends with your ex, but to attempt to literally “snap” from intimacy to platonic in the blink of an eye is just asking for trouble.

Simply put, there is no way to do this. Human beings are not wired to be able to do this, we need a transition phase of varying time to adjust. Ideally the two parties should not even see each other during this transition. Otherwise the relationship will never be properly severed and this will lead to all kind of problems in future relationships, not to mention an unhealthy and confusing relationship with the former paramore.

From personal experience (when I broke up with my previous girlfriend), there needs to be this separation period, where each party finds and rediscovers themselves after the relationship has ended. As mentioned this time varies based on the length of the relationship, the people involved, how serious the relationship was, what kind of break up it was etc. etc.

So what I’m saying is, if you have just broken up with somebody and still want to be friends with them, don’t hang around with them like you are best friends instantly. Because you both will still be wired as a couple and hence will act like a couple. My advice (and this is going to sound harsh), is to completely sever all ties to that person for a while and then gradually become reaquainted with that person as friends, knowing that there is no chance of a relapse or anything in the future developing, and paving the way for a happy friendship.

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3 responses

10 02 2009
chanceencounters

Good, truthful article. A clean break is the best way to go! Move forward.

11 02 2009
Caroline

As Nathan used to say to me… “Squeak Squeak Squeak. Cut the chains; you two are no more”

5 03 2009
Kelly

Agreed…88 days is the required time limit… but still I feel people can’t be JUST FRIENDS after a relationship there is history.. come on… and probally nakedness.

Shrug

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