11 06 2008

When we discuss the concept of “Soulmates” in the following blog post, I’m going by my definition, which is as follows: The “other” person out there in the world that will “complete” them. Essentially the “other half” of one’s soul, hence soul mate, one that you will love unconditionally and they will do the same to you.

Firstly, let me say that the concept of a soulmate, in the form of one other person somewhere in the whole wide world of 6.7 billion [reference], is rubbish. (For the purpose of simplicity, we will assume that your soulmate is going be a member of the opposite gender, not that I’m saying that gay and lesbian people don’t have soulmates, but just for the sake of this blog and ease of working). Thus, if we divide that number by half (again, not an accurate figure, but simply for the purpose of illustration), we get a possible pool of 3.35 billion people who could be your potential soulmate.

I simply don’t believe that there is only one other person in the whole world that can make us happy for the rest of our lives. The odds of finding this person are simply far too great for the concept to exist. Now, I hear some people saying that you are “drawn” to your soulmate, but I don’t believe that either. How often do you hear about people traveling across the world to another country where people don’t even speak English to find their soulmate? Are you trying to tell me that soulmates are only people who are geographically, culturally and racially similar to oneself?

No, I don’t believe in what I call the “Single Soulmate” theory.

What I do believe in, is that almost any person has the potential to become what people would call “soulmates”. In other words, they become really close, start a relationship, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. In that scenario, would you call those people soulmates? Of course you would. But now consider that theoretically anybody could have taken the part of one of those soulmates. I believe that with enough contact and the right amount of effort put into the relationship, almost any two people can become what people would call “soulmates”.

The reason that I use the qualifier almost in the above paragraph is simple. Some people are obviously not soulmates. If you hate somebody, there is absolutely no way that that person is going to be your soulmate, right? Of course not, because the very definition of a soulmate is two peole who you love each  other unconditionally.

The question of past relationships is another interesting question. How does one know that all of one’s past 50 relationships haven’t been with one’s soulmate. Of course, if we assume that your specific soulmate could be any of the 3.35 BILLION (that’s 3 350 000 000) members of the opposite gender on the planet, it is EXTREMELY unlikely that you have met your soulmate simply by dating 50 people. However, by virtue of having broken up with those people, surely it would eliminate the possibility of being soulmates, because of the whole “perfect relationship” that would surely occur as a result of two soulmates finding each other?

Say for example, a couple have been together for 5 years and they are very emotionally involved in the relationship and believe that they are “soulmates”. However, say the guy cheats on the girl, or vice versa, and they break up because of it. Does that mean that they were never soulmates to begin with, because surely two soulmates who had found one another would never cheat or hurt the other in any way?

It is this very definition that causes problems with the soulmate concept. As humans we are constantly making mistakes, hurting others (whether intentionally or unintentionally), and just generally messing up. So the very concept of two soulmates: I.E. perfect people whose relationship is perfect in every way shape and form is flawed by definition.

How can one tell if one has found one’s soulmate? In short, there is no way to tell, because soulmates do not exist. If you are happy in your relationship, there is no need to try and attribute that happiness to a different plane of existence or something supernatural. You’re probably happy because you put time and effort into the relationship to make it work, and your partner probably did the same. You weren’t destined to be together. You made it happen.

So if you are one of those people who believes in soulmates, I say good on you. I will never run your beliefs down, but I do believe that you are wasting your time on something that does not exist. You will most likely find somebody who makes you happy and settle down with that person, believing that you have found your soulmate. However, if that person breaks your heart for whatever reason, you obviously haven’t found your soulmate and the search will continue. Personally, this seems like a recipe for disaster, and seems almost like setting yourself up for constant disappointment as every relationship does not miraculously turn into a magically perfect connection that will never be broken.

I don’t know, maybe I am just cynical. What do you guys think? Do you believe in soulmates? If so, how do you recognise your soulmate and know when you are with your soulmate? I’d love to hear what you guys think.




3 responses

11 06 2008

Ok So No soulmates!!!! That is understandable… your research has placed some really solid points. But when one is alone, believing makes them happy… just as going to a Tarot reader or a Dog whisperer.. just so their worries at night wont keep them up!!!!

I say BELIEVE!!! however, eventhough it most probaly wont happen, Fairy tales arent real but we still believed them… I don’t believe we each have a soulmate, but I do believe there is one person who will love you unconditionally!!!!! I know Oxymoron.. but stil!!!!!!!

11 06 2008

I agree. No such thing as ‘The One’ – that’s a lie sold by romantic novel writers/poets/filmmakers, and drags us away from the fact that love takes time and effort, and is disposable if the other steps out of line (I know, I’ve bought it). Which is why I liked the film Sex and the City, ‘cos there was a little bit of anti-the-one in there.
Good post!

7 07 2008

As yet undecided. You can fall in love and you can’t unlove someone, but if both of don’t put equal time and effort into the relationship and if both of you are not ready for a serious relationship, then it won’t work, so I supppose that it stands to reason that if you do the oppostie then it will?

Hmm… maybe I am helplessly romantic, maybe I still have growing up to do, but I would like to think that when I find my “The One” he’ll feel the same and that that will be enough for us both. Maybe that it was destined, or rather that nothing else was. Either way, he had better bring me flowers. LOL =)

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